Short Sad Life
by Penguinfoxy
Summary: Chell has conflicting feelings about leaving Aperture. ChellDOS


She had only taken four steps when she felt it. The intense feeling caught her, forcing her to stumble, barely catching herself from dropping the faithful Companion Cube. Almost at once, her initial feelings of newness, of happiness that life was finally beginning, dissipated into an acute sensation of misplacement. It was a ridiculous emotion, probably some kind of Stockholm Syndrome symptom, so Chell just shrugged it off. She walked briskly through the wheat, ignoring the underlying voice telling her to _just look back._ Coming to the edge of the field, Chell shoved the troubling thoughts out of her mind and determinedly crossed the invisible threshold into the surrounding woods. She did not turn around. If there was one thing she had learned in Aperture, it was to never listen to anything anyone else tells you.

She hid the Companion Cube in the back of the closet with the Aperture jumpsuit, behind work files and old clothes to collect dust. She didn't know why she did it. Maybe it was because the Cube had lost its personality. Its coldness reminded her of the terrible traumas and ordeals she had endured, the disturbing mind games and traps_. _

No, it didn't. She was just saying that.

The problem was, the cube reminded her of what was missing. At first she thought it was a purpose. Today, she was a skilled member of a human resistance task force. She needed to use the same old tricks and agility for her job. It couldn't be that she needed more excitement or action. If she missed Aperture, she didn't know why. There was nothing to miss about it except what should have scared her.

It was strange how easily she conformed. That was another thing she learned at Aperture. To adjust.

Life was still very tough and gritty and strange. The good news was that the people on her task force team were kind, _normal seeming _people, which should have been a refreshing change. It was too bad she didn't have anything in common with them.

At nights she had dreams she couldn't remember. But sometimes when she woke up, she was shivering, her hands clenching across her chest, because she thought she heard a song.

Chell dreaded breaks. Usually she found some chores to do, but today she was especially bored. She was sitting against the bare wall, hands folded. Her thoughts drifted. Suddenly she remembered there was still something she had to do.. something about _compartments._.?

Chell twisted the word around in her mind, trying to remember its significance. The moment she realized it, she scrambled from her sitting position and flew up the stairs, ran to the chipped closet door, threw it open, and pulled out the cube. With hope and a bit of anxiety, she grasped the sides and tugged. Nothing happened. She rattled the cube next to her head and heard something.

For the next few hours, she attempted to force the cube open again and again, but was only met with failure each time. In frustration, she kicked the cube away from her. It skidded across the floor. She put her head down on her knees.

It was the first time in her life she ever felt helpless.

Chell had a longer break than usual since it would take time for the equipment and resources her team required to arrive. And she was not known for giving up. By the third day, she found something. One side of the cube had a weak spot in one of the corners. She pushed and prodded at it with kitchen utensils and tools, and tried shooting it with her gun, but remained unsuccessful. If there was a weak spot, it was there for a reason. It must be part of the unlocking system. Chell pressed around all of the sides. She discovered that each side had a weak corner. So. Praying wildly in her mind, she grasped each weak spot, and pushed all of them simultaneously.

It opened.

Inside the cube there was a key.

Back to the wheat field, back to the shed, it was so easy to find the way again. And all the time, she was relieved, as if some dense, impenetrable thing had been lifted off of her soul. She must really have brain damage. She freed herself, now she was willingly giving herself up.

If she was going to be honest with herself, she would say that she never truly left at all.

If she was going to be honest with herself, leaving never really crossed her mind.

The key fit into the lock on the shed door perfectly. The key and the lock were made out of some kind of special unbreakable metal. Chell tried to shoot off the lock without using the key, just to see if the key was really necessary, but it was impossible.

There was the elevator, just like before.

And now, and now.

_Her. _

What strange emotion Chell felt when she was away from this infernal place was now pushed to the surface and bursting.

"You came back! ..I mean, oh, it's _you _again_. Well. _The outside world must be pretty unloving, _to someone like you. _Because of how easy it is to hate you.

You know what's _really_ sad? Testing has to be the only thing you're good at..

..Besides breaking scales of course. "

And then a tentative pause. "Why _are_ you back?"

The tone was probing, wanting, even.

"_I didn't come back here for the tests." _That's what she would have replied with, if she was capable of it. She coughed and tried to say it, but the words wouldn't come. Now was the opportunity, she thought despairingly. GlaDOS was actually waiting patiently for a response. And, although Chell couldn't clearly determine it, she had this instinct that maybe, _possibly_...

This was sincere.

Why was she expecting anything different today?

Then Chell thought about pressing the cube in just the right place, getting it to come open fluidly, easily, and the key, fitting smoothly into the lock, and wondered if the problem wasn't that she was incapable of speech, it was that she never had the right words.

"You."


End file.
